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All great relationships are based on mutual love, right?
That was what I thought many years ago when my relationship almost fell apart.
There was mutual respect, healthy communication, and we were both devoted to each other. We could work as a team and had similar values that made the time we spent together much more fun.
What was wrong though wasn’t tangible. It was deeply ingrained in my subconscious mind—and my partner’s—and didn’t know it had taken full control of my relationship.
Before crossing paths with my husband, I stayed in bad relationships and endured situationships that led to inescapable disappointment and heartbreak. Although we had shared interests and were close enough to enjoy each other’s company, we had something in common that wasn’t so great: a painful past.
Both of our pasts were infused with betrayal and lies. As a result, we built false beliefs about love and what it meant to be in a happy relationship. Those limiting beliefs were the result of many years of heartbreak and eventually restricted us in various ways. Thankfully, we had recognized them and worked on dismantling them.
As unlikely as it may seem, negative thoughts have a huge impact on the success of a relationship. The truth is limiting beliefs not only hinder us from reaching our highest potential, they also wreak havoc on our closest connections.
Here are two limiting beliefs that can ruin any good relationship:
1. Believing that we don’t deserve love.
This limiting belief hurt me for many years and impacted my life and most of my relationships. Due to my low self-esteem, I felt unworthy of love. As a result, I became a people pleaser who thought she should “earn” love in order to feel respected. I failed at setting the right boundaries and sacrificed many of my core needs for the sake of security. Furthermore, I couldn’t trust my partner because I couldn’t trust myself.
It took me long to realize that I was the only one who was able to control how others would see me. And the way I saw myself wasn’t great. When our self-image and beliefs are negative (such as feeling undesirable, unlovable, or unattractive), our relationships take a hit. We might be easily manipulated or abused when our mind is permeated with less-than thoughts.
To move beyond this false belief, we need to rewire our brains and identify what’s stopping us from loving ourselves unconditionally. We shouldn’t compare ourselves to anyone else because our partner has chosen us for a valid reason—because they love us, and we deserve it. Also, we must have honest and vulnerable conversations with our partner about how they can help us to build our self-esteem.
2. Believing that breakups are inevitable.
Thinking that the end of love and good relationships is inevitable isn’t just a passing thought. It’s a belief that’s caused by trauma and that can sabotage our relationships sooner than we think. Maybe we didn’t grow up with loving parents or our parents didn’t model a healthy relationship for us. Maybe we endured awful breakups. And even if or when we get into romantic relationships, we may self-sabotage to align our subconscious beliefs with our reality.
I used to think that all relationships and marriages are doomed. Consequently, most of my intimate connections came to an end. Believe it or not, faith is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. When we believe in the success of our relationship, it will naturally succeed. But if we think that it’s destined to end, our behaviors and actions will automatically become destructive and toxic.
If you feel that something is off in your relationship or with your partner, then your intuition is trying to tell you something. But if you’re in a good relationship and your mind is causing you unnecessary stress, remember that you can never predict the future. Even if your past was full of painful experiences, try to enjoy the present moment because it’s all you have right now.
~
author: Elyane Youssef
Image: Gabrielle Henderson/Unsplash
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