· “There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” ~ Dowager Countess Violet Crawley, “Downton Abbey”
· “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” ~ Ace Ventura, “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”
· “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” ~ Mitch Hedberg
· “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” ~ Jim Carrey
· “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” ~ Anonymous
· “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ~ George Carlin
· “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” ~ Midge Maisel, “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”
· “A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” ~ Dave Barry
· “I’m not superstitious…but I am a little stitious.” ~ Michael Scott, “The Office”
· “It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, ‘Say thank you. Sit up straight. Use your napkin. Close your mouth when you chew. Don’t lean back in your chair.’ Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along.” ~ Erma Bombeck
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