I love writing these “healthy relationship creation” articles for you – because they are very dear to my heart, as I know they are for you too!
It is human to want to love and be loved. It is also very usual to want to share our life journey with an intimate partner.
Many people in our community ask me, “Where did you meet your partner?” or, “Where should I go to meet quality people?”
My answer to this is always the same – you meeting a future healthy partner has nothing to do with where you are looking, or even what you are doing. It is all to do with who you are Being.
Too many people put all the emphasis on “the other person” rather than putting the emphasis on themselves. As you go through this article, I hope you understand how powerless and futile that is.
Generating real love is never about choosing the right person to grant you a healthy love relationship – rather it is about YOU being the right person who can emotionally generate and choose a healthy love relationship.
I can’t wait to help you get empowered to not just take personal responsibility with this (which puts you in the driver’s seat) but also to be able to make a healthy relationship a powerful reality in your life.
Everything Exists
You may think, “There are awful people, including narcissists, out there!”
Yes, you are right, and there are also wonderful, kind, genuine people out there; not perfect, because perfect doesn’t exist. Yet, there are countless people who are healthy enough, kind enough and genuine enough for you to create and grow in a loving relationship with.
Already I can feel your head spinning as you think, isn’t there supposed to be only “The One”?
What if I was to tell you, “You are “The One” and then love follows”?
I truly believe “The One” it is a complete and utter fallacy. It’s insane to believe someone outside of your inner universal manifestation, in the outer universe, is the “only one” who can give you true love.
This is exactly the warped thinking that causes people to hang on to narcissistic “twin flames” who are unavailable for a healthy relationship (they have neither the resources nor desire to be or love healthily) and the people clinging to the belief of “The One” can’t free themselves to generate genuine, real or satisfying love.
The person they assigned as “the One” certainly was not that!
Not only does “everything exist” from the highest to the lowest version of love potential out there, so does the potential for “unconditional love”, meaning the right person for you, who is a match for your healthy love generation is always available for you, no matter what previous loves you have lost, or whatever age or stage of life you are at.
This is true.
I hope this Universal Truth grants you more than hope – that if you seek True Love the right way … it is available for you.
Choosing Love Healthily
The following are very important questions …
Could you even be attracted to a “nice” person? Would a healthy person be attracted to you? How can you meet a potential healthy partner, and how do you progress forward into a relationship with them? (We will get to that part in the next section.)
One thing is for certain, at the Quantum Level – such a love relationship is available for you. It is seeking you as much as your Inner Being is seeking it.
Why?
Because true love and unity are unstoppable forces. They are God Godding (or Source Sourcing if that is easier for you to assimilate). Healthy love is your organic natural state – even though it may have not as yet been your “normal”.
Love is not just luck, or The Universe spinning dice, it is all to do with who you are Being and what you are seeking.
Your Beingness will dictate your Seekingness!
Let me explain …
If your consciousness is still low … mine was for a long time so I believed the illusion that “love” was the false narrative I had been programmed to believe – I was convinced that love had to do with chemical attraction, interests and fun.
I used to put more practical thought into buying a pair of shoes than I did into choosing a relationship. I used to think about shoes like this … “Okay they are really pretty but they are going to hurt my feet after a few hours.” Whereas regarding a relationship I’d think … “He’s really attractive and smart” and spared no thought to whether or not he had the character to be healthy.
This was because I had not evolved my maturity, self-development or the resolution of my inner wounds to be able to have a higher consciousness about this yet.
The reason I now have in my life a wonderful, functioning, kind and aligned love partnership is because I knew I needed to take a hiatus from relationships and sort all of this out! I knew I needed to BE the woman who could choose love healthily.
The men I was previously attracted to were not healthy. Men who were healthy were guys I had never been interested in. The truth is this was because they were not a match for my inner Love Code that was filled with emotionally charged wounds regarding “love”.
I knew I was the person who needed to change.
So, I got to work.
Here is the powerful way to know what potential love partners you are presently attracted to and attractive to …
If you have unresolved traumas and hurts, it will be people who represent more of these hurts.
If you are afraid of meeting potential love partners, it will be people who you can’t trust and who will bring you more lack of safety.
If you are annoyed and angry at previous love partners for their dispositions and actions, it will be people who have those characters and behaviours.
It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.
Life and our Soul are always ‘efforting’ to make the unconscious conscious. We are powerful emotional energetic Creators from our Inner Beingness. Life will show you who you are Being and what you are unconsciously seeking.
Those who match your Beingness are seeking you too – it’s a match.
In my own inner experience, I discovered many hurts and traumas, including, “People who I love leave me, replace me, invalidate me and annihilate me.” Absolutely these had been my lived experiences in relation to love. We could argue that I had these painful inner traumas because this had happened or because I already had them, that they continued to happen.
Regardless of where they originated, they were in my body (therefore being my responsibility because only I could heal them), and thank goodness I found the way to release these traumas energetically, replace them with Source (NARP healing) and go free from them.
After doing so I felt more whole, self-loving and much more discerning.
No longer was “my head” tricking me into making excuses and having urges to connect to people who matched this previous traumatized inner Love Code. It was like these types of people faded into the background and healthier potential partners started lighting up in my real-life view.
Such a welcome shift!
I then got very dedicated to discovering “what constitutes a healthy relationship.” Of course, there has to be a level of attraction. What is great is when we become less traumatized on the inside from previous hurts, attraction starts to get based on someone’s Soul and inner beauty, rather than just their outer shell, and “put on” persona.
It’s like when we get healthier in our Soul we choose healthier food, pastimes and friendship circles.
Making healthier choices includes taking time to know and investigate a person’s character. Who are they in real life expression? Is this person kind, honest and authentic? Can they take responsibility and genuinely apologize? Is this person reliable? Do their actions match their words?
And … of course … are they honest?
How many of us previously went through the realization of, “you are attractive, but I don’t like who you are as a person” once you started sharing a bed and a life with this person?
Maybe this person is “shonky” and has beliefs and does stuff that make you shudder. Maybe they have completely different viewpoints that are just not compatible with who you are and what your orientation in life is.
Then, if we haven’t yet dedicated to our own inner healing and development, we begin the epic struggle of trying to change their character into one that will allow us to be loved, safe and secure.
I used to make a career out of trying to do that!
Yet, you can’t change someone’s character – it is what it is.
Rather, you can heal and develop yourself enough to align with and choose people with decent characters to investigate for love relationships, and be whole and developed enough to stop dismissing or overlooking the necessity for this.
The truth is – no one may have previously taught us how vital this is.
Generating Healthy Love
A great lie about love is that it’s supposed to be a “fairy tale”, a feeling of being on a high and in constant bliss.
A relationship like this is usually an indication that you are being love bombed, or conjuring up in your mind unrealistic expectations about someone who you barely know … or that you are attracted to someone who is a match for a highly charged unhealed Love Code.
The “high” is usually because you are, as yourself, still unhealed, empty and hurt and this person is offering the promise of taking your pain away – akin to walking miles in shoes with stones in them and then the stones have been taken out. The relief is huge.
This is a love relationship of dramatic highs and just as spectacular lows.
It’s not based in reality or maturity, which are components necessary for real durable, functional love. Rather it is based on addiction, compulsion and obsession – and will contain the holding of another as responsible for your “good feelings”. This is the vibrational trajectory where co-dependent and narcissistic relationships play out – toxic power struggles – trying to force the other person to behave in a way that would make the other person happy.
If you have had enough of that (just as I had) it is time to align with different love realities!
Healthier love is two people taking their time to get to know one another, before committing to an exclusive relationship.
How can you do this?
Be very clear about your values and truths – those that you need for healthy love to exist.
Know that you will not accept less than these fundamental decent character traits in your life.
Be prepared to speak up and lay boundaries if necessary. Explaining what you will and won’t accept and train people to know who you are and what you stand for.
Present who you truly are to attract and generate relationships that are true to you, instead of pretending to be someone else.
And …
Be prepared to lose it all to get it all – know you will leave if this person is not your match of a healthy potential relationship.
Most of all … love your Inner Being, your development and your expansion in life regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not – and work on your ability to take care of yourself in relationship interactions.
In other words, releasing your fear of other people – that you can’t be safe and that you can’t be yourself and speak up.
In Conclusion
I promise you with all of my heart, there are TONS of Thrivers in this incredible community, just like myself, who have been released from the programs of relationship trauma and agony, to experiencing the divinity and joy of being able to attract and maintain a healthy relationship.
Yes, they take work and honesty and development and courage. And, they spiral upwards into health, trust and greater connection, not down into the horrible descent of narcissistic relationships.
Because they (like I) became the people we needed to be to make relationships work.
I hope that this makes sense to you!
How are you feeling in regard to future love partners? Are you healing and developing towards this? Are you falling in love with your inner growth and outer expansion and development? Do you know that you have fears and traumas and inner Love Codes to shift out and replace?
Do you feel ready to heal this because you know you really do want to create a divine, wholesome, rewarding and authentic relationship?
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