We are almost through the first month of the year! The fresh, bright energy of a new beginning is still in the air, and even though many of us are returning from winter break, we’ve still got a pep in our step. January is a month that invites us into this familiar ritual: we declare a fresh start! We make resolutions! We set intentions! We promise ourselves that this will be the year we finally follow through!
And yet—year after year, it seems—most resolutions don’t survive beyond a few weeks. Many of us have felt the disappointment of missing a mark or not bringing a goal to fruition. The good news is, it rarely has to do with us being weak, lazy, or undisciplined. In fact, it’s usually the opposite.
The momentum of the new year is so potent that we can forget that we are co-creating with the Universe. We become blinded to the fact that we aren’t here to do it all on our own. Our egos love to think that we can achieve through our own willpower alone, and while willpower is a necessary ingredient, when we view it as our only resource, one thing is guaranteed: we’re going to burn out. And fast.
Science backs this up!
Neuroscience tells us that lasting change doesn’t come from pushing or forcing outcomes (or ourselves)—it comes from internal shifting, or kabbalistically speaking, shifting our consciousness. For example, any time we are overworking, it’s highly likely that our consciousness is one of lack or urgency. However, when we give ourselves realistic timetables for achieving our goals and focus on balance, we’re telling the Creator, “I’m doing my part, and I’m trusting you.” This feels much better, right?
This kind of gentle inner monologue is a rarely talked about key to success. Dr. Kristin Neff, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin and author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, asserts that when we try to “fix” ourselves, our brain interprets that effort as a threat. As a result, our nervous system tightens, resistance rises, and we end up fighting ourselves instead of evolving. She says that when we are “motivated from a place of caring for ourselves, not from the belief that we’ll be worthless if we fail, we become less afraid of failure and, even when we don’t meet a particular standard, are much quicker to pick ourselves up and continue.”
Having compassion for ourselves creates resilience, allowing us to bend and flex in the face of any obstacle. Committing to a vision, intention, or goal ultimately means committing to change, and change of any kind comes with discomfort. Which is why our motivating force—in this case, care instead of lack—matters so much.
When change is rooted in meaning—when it aligns with who we believe we are becoming—the brain responds differently. Dopamine increases not from immediate gratification but from incremental progress that feels purposeful. Curiosity replaces fear. Growth becomes sustainable. Kabbalah has taught this for centuries. Transformation isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about revealing the spark of who you truly are beneath habit, fear, and limitation.
This all sounds good in theory, but it is a little tougher in practice. Here are a few gentle ways to practice this in the moment, when self-compassion feels far away:
Trade Self-Criticism for Curiosity
When something isn’t working, notice the urge to correct or criticize yourself. Instead, pause and ask, how can I see this moment differently? Curiosity signals safety to the nervous system—and safety is what allows change to occur.
Soften the Inner Language
The brain responds to tone as much as meaning. When you’re struggling, replace pressure with reassurance: Of course, this feels hard—this matters to me. Compassionate language calms the nervous system and restores access to choice.
Honor Effort, Not Just Outcomes
Lasting change is built through consistency, not perfection. Each day, acknowledge one place you showed up, even imperfectly. You woke up with your alarm, you completed a longstanding item on your to-do list, you were kind to yourself (wink, wink.) Recognizing effort keeps the brain engaged and prevents burnout before growth has time to take root.
Whether it’s the start of a new year or a new day, relish in the excitement, the motivation, even the very subtle sense of possibility. Set out to manifest the life of your dreams, and when the journey inevitably brings you to moments of opposition, failure, or uncertainty, be kind to yourself. If it’s hard, there’s always one door you can walk through: reminding yourself that challenges are a part of transformation. Kabbalah tells us that transforming ourselves is the entire reason we came to this world.
So it stands to reason that the only true way to fail at anything is to never try at all. I can’t think of anything less compassionate…
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