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Communication is not the key to a successful relationship.
I know, shocker.
I’ve always thought that communication is what saves relationships and marriages. You may argue and disagree. You may say the wrong thing at the wrong time. You may fight and become deeply distressed. If you don’t know how and when to communicate, your relationship is doomed.
I’m not the only one who thinks that communication is critical for sustaining a healthy, long-term relationship. We’ve all been there. We all know how damaging and challenging it can be to be with someone who just can’t or doesn’t know how to “talk it over.”
But is it really what creates true relationships? Recently, I have realized that communication is not enough. It’s essential and necessary. But it’s not what what keeps relationships from crumbling. The reason relationships fall apart can vary from person to person. However, there’s a key factor that’s missing in all failed relationships:
Respect.
If we don’t respect each other, we can never truly love each other.
Maybe we’re good listeners but don’t respect each other’s point of view. Maybe we deliver our words clearly but keep interrupting our partner. Maybe we make eye contact but if the opportunity arises, we blame and criticize. Maybe we ask questions but gaslight and mislead our partner.
Having said that, communication without respect is futile. But just like communication, respect is something we learn in our relationships. It may not come naturally, but we will feel compelled to show it if we truly care about our partner and relationship.
What does respect mean in the context of love? It means that we value each other’s opinions, thoughts, needs, and feelings. We respect who our partner is without changing them, controlling them, or imposing our own ideas on them. We respect the efforts they make in the relationship, no matter how small they may be. We appreciate the emotional skills they show and the vows they maintain.
Respect is much more than speaking kindly to each other. Respect in a relationship is an innate knowing that our partner is not perfect (and never will be). It’s a promise we make to ourselves that their imperfection will never stand in the way of our respectful behaviors.
We often equate respect with treatment, and while this holds true, we need to understand that respect is more of an acknowledgment. It’s holding our partner’s hand and telling them “I see you.” It’s believing that who they are and what they feel and think is as important as our own values.
When we’re respectful, we can solve the problems in our relationship with more ease. It should be mutual and consistent.
How do we learn to build respect in our relationship?
>> Listen effectively to your partner’s needs
>> Honor their boundaries
>> Give them space
>> Express your appreciation
>> Keep your promises
>> Be empathetic
>> Be compassionate
>> Be kind
>> Appreciate your differences
~
author: Elyane Youssef
Image: Jonathan Borba/Unsplash
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